3/19/2020
Ithaca NY, USA
Day 4 of self imposed Isolation


Thus begins the diary of an outbreak.  It's been about 2 weeks since i first realized what was happening.  The numbers coming from Italy were a real wake up call to us here in the United States, but for most daily life continued as normal, working my restaurant job, going out with friends and living daily life as usual.  I remember the day before everything got really real for me, there was a euphoria in the air almost, it was like everyone sensed life was about to be irreparably changed.
Sunday 3/15, the Ides of March.  I went to work as usual, but this morning was different, there was a weight in the air, and you could see everyone felt it.  We knew things were getting bad in NYC and that there had been a confirmed case in our County, Tompkins.  That morning the Governor had announced all restaurants were to seat only half capacity, but our boss wasn't taking thing seriously, he told us we weren't at full capacity anyway so we could go ahead with business as usual, a total madhouse.

From the first moment the doors opened, i knew we were in trouble, people flooding in, we were at maximum capacity, servers and cooks scrambling, ignoring safety for sheer need.  I did my best, I sterilized every dish that came through before i touched it, i took every possible precaution, the result was a relentless 10 hour shitstorm inhaling bleach and working myself to bone trying to protect everyone around me.

At some point i checked in with the lead cook and he also said he felt very unsafe being at work, but nothing could change, our bosses were set in their ways.  Then, near the end of our shift, we found out a Professor from the local collage had been tested positive, our coworker, one of the cooks who had been standing next to me all day and had helped prep a sandwich i had eaten, his wife was also an IC professor.

He left pretty quickly, clearly terrified, i felt so bad, but the fear and realization we may have all just been exposed was like an icy claw of fear in my stomach.  After the whole day of stress and paranoia adding this on top was just to much.  Our bosses told us we could decide to stay home if we felt unsafe, later, a few of us had a small conference and all agreed we didn't feel safe coming in again, i took the initiative and that night messaged my boss.

By the next morning all restaurants had been shut down except for takeout.
I can never remember being so emotionally and physically exhausted as that evening and the morning that followed.  It was so utterly draining, and at the same time, i had lost all my faith in humanity to deal with this crisis.

Since then i'v been isolated in my room mostly, avoiding all social contact, only going out to stock up on essentials.  Going to Wegmans or other big stores only in the early morning, getting in and out before 7 am or so.

People around me are clearly not serious about this.  I have been wearing winter gloves to touch everything in public, then letting them weather outside when i'm not wearing them.  The number of people not wearing gloves, having close contact, or generally not be concerned about this is staggering and strikes a deep fear into my heart.

I am so disheartened that some of us are making such a sacrifice, literally isolated from our loved ones, out of work and recreational activity, when other are so flagrantly disregarding the advice of health care workers and putting us all at risk.  I don't think i have ever been so angry or sad in my life.
I understand it's hard for people to perceive such an ephemeral threat, but the information is out there, what you choose to do with it..is on you, but it will effect us all.

In the days that follow i intend to keep a record of what i'm doing as the crisis unfolds.  I prey life can return to some state of normality but i am not optimistic.  Be well and stay safe out there.

Your Humble Servant,

Luc